Welcome to Londongeles

May 31, 2013August 20, 2013 nightowlLeave a comment

You may never have heard of this place, but you have definitely seen it: Londongeles is where British characters in a US show live. Here we have Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler in the otherwise very enjoyable series Elementary.

“London” says the caption. And just to hammer the point home, the black cab has an English flag on the windscreen. Do admire the almost subliminal red bus in the background and the slightly more obvious, sooo European, vintage scooter.

A few minutes later, the bus hasn’t moved. I know London traffic is bad but it isn’t that bad.

Brace yourselves for the appearance of a Ford Anglia, a totally common sight on a London street in 2013. Yup.

Seriously, everyone in England drives them. And I do mean everyone.

That’s a very British-looking pay-and-display machine. Not. Plus, the slowest bus in the universe is still visible. I don’t know how much it cost to hire but they’re certainly getting their money’s worth.

This demonstrates what not to do in London: namely leave your bike leaning against a wall in your front garden, totally unsecured, clearly visible and easily reachable from the street. I’m crying with laughter at the very thought of the owner expecting to find it still there tomorrow morning.

More weirdness: in the UK, front doors never open outwards. Although I think we’ve got it wrong on this one; just imagine the possibilities… two words: Jehovah’s Witnesses. Bang.

Nice attempt at Britishifying the door though, what with the panels, pillarbox red paint and lion knocker. Alas, the bizarre letter slot in the wall is an epic fail.

Hope you enjoyed your trip to Londongeles. We’ll be back.

The coolest thing on the internet

May 19, 2013November 11, 2017 nightowlLeave a comment

I don’t think anyone can ever top this.

Seriously, don’t even try. Especially you, women.

It’s not called “Guitar Heroine” for a reason

May 7, 2013May 7, 2013 nightowlLeave a comment

So, scientists have finally discovered something I’ve known since I was a teenager (from being on the receiving end of it): men are seen as more attractive by women if they play (or are merely seen carrying) a guitar, but this doesn’t work the other way around.

And the reason for it is obvious: most women are impressed by a guy who can do something they can’t, especially something artistic, but most men resent it if a girl can do something they can’t. After all, how can they hope to impress her now?

And if the guitar-playing girl isn’t the one they’re interested in, it’s even worse: she’s attracting attention that belongs to them!

Trying too hard, dear. — Trying too hard, dear

The funny thing is, even male musicians react that way if (female) you brought your instrument to the party and they didn’t. Before you know it, they ask to borrow it… and don’t give it back. Within seconds, girls who showed zero interest when you were playing start flocking around them as if by magic. And when you try to get your guitar back after a solid 45 minutes of horrible jazz (yeah, they always play jazz. I hate jazz), it’s the girls who give you the stink eye and/or complain loudly that you’re interrupting the wonderful concert! Some of those girls have been known to include your best friend!

(… and breathe)

Plus, the guitar mystique only works on a man, really. A woman with a guitar just looks awkward, probably because she knows she doesn’t look sexy. Look at the top pic in that article, no girl could carry that off. When I was young and going to music lessons, I just felt embarrassed lugging that huge guitar case around. I’m sure a boy would have burst with pride.

Women on the other hand look good playing the piano. It’s posh, it’s elegant, it’s refined. It’s just not cool.

There’s also the harp. Now that is a quintessentially female instrument. Very, very few harpists are male, but then that’s probably because you can’t nonchalantly sling a harp over your shoulder and go off to be the life and soul of the campfire.

I am being reliably informed by an actual man that a girl holding a violin or cello does look sexy. Yup, until she starts playing it. The violin gives you a double chin and the cello… well, the legs akimbo playing position is hardly the prettiest, is it?

Interestingly, when looking for pictures of women playing the piano, I found quite a few showing a woman tickling the ivories whilst a man stares at her in admiration. Search for pics of a woman playing the guitar, however, and the male admirers suddenly disappear. Also, half of the girls in the more arty pics are clearly just holding the instrument and couldn’t play a note to save their lives. Pfft.