The inevitable US remake of the excellent French series The Returned (Les Revenants) is upon us.

Right.

Oh dear.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Where do I start?

Cute kid syndrome! Tell the whole story in the trailer syndrome! Get rid of all the mystery and make it all glossy and Hollywood syndrome! Obligatory Christian twist syndrome! Give one character another character’s story syndrome! Hire an actor previously seen in House syndrome! (wait, is that a syndrome? At least it’s not lupus).

As some hilarious person said in the comments: “Victor from Les Revenants would terrorise that little shit.”