Forty-nine too many
The mind, it boggles
A little conversation at work made my brain hurt a bit.
Male (French-speaking) Colleague: By the way, is your husband English or French?
Me: He’s British, yeah, but we’re not married, I told you that the other day.
Male Colleague: Oh, I know, I just called him that out of respect.
What is that supposed to mean? Where is the respect in what he said? He flatly ignored what I told him and went on his misguided little crusade anyway!
Did he feel sorry for me for living with some horrible man who wouldn’t commit, and try to cheer me up by giving me the title he thinks I’m entitled to? Was he doing me the dubious honour of treating me like the respectable married woman I should be instead of the living-in-sin hussy I actually am? (He’s an Algerian Muslim, I kind of expect the worst).
Because, quite frankly, this what it sounded like to me: “I’ll inflict my idea of respect on you whether you like it or not!”
God only knows how the male mind works.
Irritatingly, I couldn’t ask him to explain his thought process there and then as there were people working all around us and we’re not really supposed to be chatting in the first place.
This guy is friendly enough but does come up with bizarre statements now and again*. I hope this is just a case of aiming for ‘considerate’ and missing by a country mile. I hope.
*The other day I was reading 1984 during my break. He turns up:
MC: Oooh, reading! You’re a studious one, aren’t you?
Me: Er… I read for pleasure…
MC: And in English too! French literature is better, don’t you think?
Me: Well, no. There’s lots of good stuff to be found in English literature too.
MC: Nah, French literature is better because the language is so much more beautiful. English… pah!
Me: I, er, like both… (I’m pretty speechless by this point)
MC: Definitely better. (walks away)
Institutionally illiterate
C’mon now, this is just ridiculous
Ignore the main story (although a teenage girl called Jakadrien is bad enough) and focus on this gem:
“Dallas Police detective C’mon (pronounced Simone) Wingo, the detective in charge of the case”
…
What?
What?!
Separated at birth?
Libanese from Romanzo Criminale
Our cat Mr Chat
I’m so glad I always mute adverts
(warning – very loud!)
OK. I have to ask: who on earth approved this campaign? Are they CRAZY?
Isn’t it bad enough having to put up with this kind of maddening noise in real life (my local supermarket in particular is a nest of brats)? Are we supposed to go “Awww” at the ‘lovely’ little girl who’s overwhelmed by her wonderful present? Come on, everybody knows a real child would only be furious at not getting an iSomething or other! I do go out sometimes, you know.
Halfords bikes are badly-put-together-by-indifferent-Chinese-workers shit anyway. Only a hated red-headed stepson should get one for Christmas.
A plea to all French expats in the UK
Stop calling yourselves “Les Frenchies” all the time. Just stop it. Please.
This magazine in particular is a nightmare:
It’s Frenchies this and Frenchies that throughout. Just look at the cover! (I see they’ve now discovered ‘Froggies’ too, oh dear). Makes the whole thing look like some silly school mag, when it’s actually a interesting resource for expats. Pity.
Expat blogs also tend to be called something like “Une Frenchy in London” or “Two Frenchies à Londres”. I’m not sure why they all seem to believe it’s cute and funny; let’s face it, being French in London is hardly a novelty these days.
Maybe ‘Français’ is just too hard to type on a qwerty keyboard…
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
Heard in an episode of Educating Essex:
Student is reading an illustrated book called “The Story of Odysseus”.
Support teacher: What are you reading?
Student: Have you heard of The Odyssey?
Support teacher: Is it a ship?
Another “I’m surrounded by idiots” moment
I’m currently reading The girl with the dragon tattoo – three years after the rest of the English-speaking world, I know. For me, that’s cutting edge.
It’s pretty good so far. Well, the actual printed text is pretty good. I wish I could say the same of the pencilled note left in the margin of page 210 by a previous library user:
So, our unknown pedant appears to have a problem with “older than Anita and me”. Let’s see. The usual rule when dealing with a …and I or …and me situation is to remove the bit immediately before I or me. Then you know which is correct.
In this case, older than I happens to be more grammatically correct… if you wish to sound like Stephen Fry in full Jeeves mode, that is. Since the character isn’t an Oxford don, this is an informal conversation and there is more to the art of translation than being grammatically correct at all times, I’m firmly in the translator’s camp on this one.
Plus, anyone who writes in a library book – for whatever reason – is a vandal and a cretin.